Have you ever played a role for so long that you forgot who you truly are? Maybe it's at work, trying to be a certain type of manager or colleague in order to succeed... Or with friends trying to fit in by pretending you're interested in something you're not... Or even with family by continuing to be our 16-year-old selves even though we've outgrown that person years ago. This is a familiar feeling for many people, often likened to wearing a mask. We adorn these masks early in our lives as we grapple to find our place—to find where we belong.
And yet, these masks are merely facades, disguises we wear, which over time, create a void between our true selves and the characters we play in our personal and professional lives. They may have served us at one point in time, but what happens when the mask just doesn't fit anymore?
In this blog, we will explore the journey of self-discovery and the transformative power when you drop the mask and reconnect with your authentic self.
The Masks We Wear: The Early Years
From childhood, we're taught to wear masks for compliance and conformity. Parents, teachers, and society encourage us to "fit in" and adjust our behavior to meet expectations. So, we put on masks to be accepted and feel a sense of belonging. We become the "people-pleaser," the "overachiever," the "class clown," or the "perfect son or daughter."
These masks often do serve us in our early years, helping us navigate the challenging waters of social life. In the workplace, they can help us get ahead, achieve our goals, and establish our place within the team. But as we grow older, these masks can begin to feel restrictive, heavy, and even suffocating.
However, there comes a time when we reach an awakening—a turning point in our lives. We start to question the authenticity of these masks that we have donned for so long. This transformative phase holds a power that has the ability to shape the rest of our lives.
The Awakening: The Turning Point
As we evolve in our personal and professional lives, we may find ourselves in a conflict or even crises with ourselves. The coping strategies and identities that once seemed to protect us now feel like burdens. We begin to question, "Who am I, really?" The realization dawns that what got us here today won’t necessarily get us to where we want to be tomorrow.
This happens at different times for each of us. And although it may start early for some—say, in the mid-20s—for most, it seems to start in the 30s and then continues well into the 40s and 50s. The experience of a mid-life crisis—often linked to the sense that who we've become is so different than who we thought or wanted to become—can be linked to years of mask-wearing.
It's at this point that we're presented with a choice. Do we continue to wear the mask, remaining stuck in an identity that no longer serves us? Or do we muster the courage to drop the mask, unlearn old behaviors, and start living authentically?
Dropping the Mask in Your Personal Life
When we choose to live authentically, we embark on a journey of self-discovery. We start to recognize and embrace who we really are, our values, our passions, and our strengths. We learn to express our emotions honestly, and we give ourselves permission to be vulnerable.
The beauty of living authentically in our personal lives is that it allows us to forge genuine connections with others. When we show up as our true selves, we invite others to do the same. This deepens our relationships and fosters a sense of true belonging, built not on pretenses but on genuine mutual acceptance.
Unmasking for Professional Success
In the workplace, living authentically means bringing our whole selves to work, not just the parts deemed "professional" or "acceptable." Authenticity at work can lead to increased job satisfaction, better performance, and stronger relationships with colleagues.
While it's not easy to start doing if you're coming out of years of mask-wearing, people who drop the mask and live authentically at work are not only happier but also more innovative. They are not afraid to voice their opinions, express their ideas, or advocate for their needs. They create and foster workplaces where diversity of thought is celebrated, and authenticity becomes the norm, not the exception.
5 Tools to Drop the Mask and Live Authentically
Let's take a look at these 5 empowering tools that can help you drop the mask and embrace authenticity.
1. Self-Awareness
Practice self-reflection and identify your values and beliefs. This is the number one step to showing up authentically. There is no way to be you if you don't know who you are.
Tool:
For 5 days straight, observe yourself as if you were observing someone else.
At the end of each day, write a list of everything that excited you, scared you, triggered you, and made you happy.
At the end of the week, identify your values and beliefs that link together the experiences you had. These values are the foundation of who you are and how you show up (or want to show up) in the world.
2. Communication
Speak up and share your opinions and feelings. Authenticity requires vulnerability. It's not always easy, but the result is that others deepen their connection with the real you.
Tool:
Giving feedback to others is a powerful way to start practicing authentic communication. To do so in a safe and productive way, make sure you hit on these points:
Situation: Where/when did something happen?
Behavior: What was the observed behavior you saw?
Impact: What was the impact the behavior had on you?
Request: What would you like the person to do differently next time?
Practicing giving this kind of feedback strengthens your confidence in using your voice, speaking up, and sharing what's important to you.
3. Uniqueness
Stop comparing yourself to others and focus on your own journey instead. Everyone's path is unique, so honor the one you are on.
Tool:
Make a list of the top 5-7 qualities that you possess, are proud of, and feel are unique to you. If you aren't sure of what they are, ask some close friends to share their perception of your top qualities.
Then, each morning, wake up and set an intention to really lean into one of those qualities for that day. Find opportunities for how you can bring those qualities to life and benefit from them.
Reflect at the end of the day on where it was easy and when it was hard to embody your qualities.
The more conscious you become of what makes you special, the more you can let those parts shine and guide you.
4. Boundaries
Set boundaries and say “no” to things that don't align with your values or priorities. This will help you stay true to yourself and avoid overstretching yourself to please others.
Tool:
Practice saying “no” at least once each day. It can be something small or large — it doesn't matter.
The point is to start building the skill to put up your boundaries. This is not selfish; it's responsible and necessary if you want to be able to show up fully in the world and not have others run all over you.
5. Acceptance
Embrace your imperfections and let go of the need for perfection. Accepting your flaws and mistakes is a key part of being authentically you.
Tool:
Notice once a day when your ambition for perfection is preventing you from moving forward. Then, practice finishing the task when it is only 80% complete. It can be a small or large task, like:
Sending an email,
Submitting a proposal, or
Publishing a post.
The point is to start realizing that everything is still okay even when it's not perfect and that your perfection is stopping you from making progress.
Final Thoughts - A Life Unmasked
The masks we wear may seem comforting at first, providing a shield from judgment and a semblance of belonging. However, they often prevent us from expressing our true selves and experiencing genuine connections. The turning point arrives when we realize that our masks, while once protective, are now barriers to our current and future growth and happiness.
Embracing authenticity and starting to drop the mask may seem daunting, but the rewards are well worth the journey. The authenticity we cultivate becomes our guide, leading us to a life of deeper meaning, fulfillment, and joy. After all, there's nothing more liberating than being truly, unapologetically, you.
References:
Cialdini, R. B., & Goldstein, N. J. (2004). Social influence: compliance and conformity. Annual review of psychology, 55, 591–621. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev.psych.55.090902.142015
Hewlin, P. F., Karelaia, N., Kouchaki, M., & Sedikides, C. (2020). Authenticity at work: Its shapes, triggers, and consequences. Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes, 158, 80-82. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.obhdp.2020.01.010
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