Pandemics, recessions, and wars... breakups, deadlines, and traffic: Figuring out how to react and cope with stress when it strikes — whether it be huge or something small — can be hard. Stress is like a storm cloud on the horizon, always lurking and ready to unleash its fury. Every day, we’re faced with situations that test our ability to manage stress.
But is all stress bad? And can we really manage the way it affects us?
In this blog post, I’ll share with you everything you need to know about stress, how to deal with it, and even how to come out of it stronger, more positive, and balanced. After reading this and putting these tips into practice, you'll find that you can manage your stress!
Why Does Stress Management Matter?
Different factors can trigger stress for us, such as our work environment, family dynamics, financial situation, health condition, or our encounters with trauma-recalling events. These factors are called "stress triggers" or "stressors."
While we can’t always avoid or prevent these stressors, we can choose how we respond to them. That’s where stress management comes in.
Stress management is a collection of methods and plans designed to help people cope better with stress in their lives. It involves identifying the specific sources of stress and taking proactive steps to minimize their effects before, during, and after they occur.
Stress management can also improve well-being and resilience. By managing our stress levels, we can perform better at work or school, improve our relationships with others, and enjoy life more.
How Stressed Are You?
Stress manifests itself in various ways for different people. The very first step to working on stress is to identify that you are stressed. Do you know how to spot the signs of stress for yourself?
Take a look at the checklist below and tick off anything you have been feeling in the last week. Don’t worry about how often or strongly you felt them. If you've experienced it, it gets a tick.
Now, count how many items you’ve checked on the list. Once you have your number, refer to the chart below to identify your stress level:
(Adapted from Baylor University’s Stress Symptom’s Checklist. Please note that like any self-assessment, this isn't "The Truth." Rather, it's a starting point to then get into reflection with yourself on this topic).
Remember, the first step to managing stress is to be aware of when we are stressed. So don't beat yourself up if your results indicate a higher stress level than you’d hoped for. Now that you're aware of it and the physical, behaviour, emotional, and cognitive ways it manifests, you can start doing something about it.
But Stress Isn’t Always Bad
Before we try to eliminate stress entirely, it's important to mention that everyone experiences stress to some degree, and not all stress is bad. In fact, stress can be healthy in some situations as long as it’s not overwhelming or chronic. It can motivate us to take action, improve our focus and creativity, and boost our immune system and resilience.
This type of "healthy" stress is a normal and necessary part of being alive. Without it, we'd become bored out of our minds and wouldn't develop the necessary strength to fight off diseases and dangerous situations.
Yet, while stress can be beneficial in some situations, it can also have negative effects when the stress level gets too high and we don’t handle it well. When stress exceeds the amount that puts us into the "Good Zone," it can push us into the "Terror Zone" (see my blog post on this topic around energy management).
When stress moves us into unsustainable territory, many people try coping with activities like drinking, gambling, working, having sex, and eating to distract or numb themselves. These activities aren’t bad in themselves, but they can become harmful if we rely on them too much or use them to avoid our problems.
The key is to find healthy ways to manage our stress rather than resorting to projecting our stress onto others, avoiding facing our stress, or distracting ourselves to avoid dealing with it.
What Are Healthy Ways to Manage Stress?
If you want to handle stress better and become more resilient in life, it's helpful to break down the many points in time when you can work on it. While knowing how to manage stress in the moment is important, it's just one part of the puzzle. What you do before and after stressful events is as, if not more important than how you deal with it right when it happens. You Can Manage Your Stress!
Before Stress (Prevention)
A great way to manage stress is to prevent it from happening or lessen its intensity on us. While you can’t control the outside world, you do have lots of control over how things affect you. Here are some effective strategies you can use to help prevent or reduce stress before it starts:
1. Identify Your Sources of Stress
The first step is to recognize what causes you stress. These stress instigators are your triggers.
Is it your work?
Your relationships?
Your finances?
Your health?
Your expectations?
Look back at the last 1-2 weeks and write down a list of all the things that triggered you and caused you stress. Start to notice if there are some patterns that link various triggers together. What is causing you to get stressed or triggered by these events?
Most people are only really triggered by 3 or 4 types of events — and these are situations that keep repeating themselves in various forms — so knowing what they are will help you start working on them.
We are often triggered by events that clash with something we value: be it freedom, fairness, calmness, authenticity, etc. So identify your triggers and then uncover and cluster the root causes (i.e., the values that are being stepped on when that trigger happens).
Just knowing these patterns already gives you an advantage in starting to predict and work with triggers before and when they happen.
2. Plan Your Response Ahead
Once you know your triggers and what types of situations are likely to activate them, you can then work on your response to that trigger in advance of it happening.
For example, if there's always someone at work that triggers you, you know there will be situations in the future where they will trigger you again. So rather than being caught off-guard each time it happens, prepare for it by visualizing what will happen in advance.
Visualisation works best when you have a moment to yourself and are calm and grounded. Here’s how to do it:
1st Step - Visualize the trigger
Once you've carved out a moment for yourself, start by imagining the trigger: where, when, who else is around, and as many details as you can. The more you visualise it, the better you can work with it.
2nd Step - Visualize your response
Then, as a second step, identify for yourself how you would like to manage this situation if you had access to your full resourcefulness, creativity, and empathy in the moment when it happens.
This is an important step because in the moment when we are actually triggered, it's impossible for us to access this rational part of our brains. The trigger flairs up our more primitive fight, flight, and freeze reactions, and we are left feeling helpless to better responses. But since you are now visualizing this event during a moment when you are grounded and calm, you may find that there are more response options available to you than you realized.
3rd Step - Choose a response for next time
As a third and final step, make a list of all (desirable) response options you could have, choose the one that feels best, and then plan to practice that new response the next time the situation happens.
Be kind to yourself; you may not execute on your plan perfectly the first time (the situation is after all a trigger for you). But with time, you'll find that each time the situation happens, it's a chance for you to improve your desired response to it.
Do this type of work with each trigger that is meaningful to you, and you'll find that the stressfulness of the situation will loosen its grip on you.
3. Set Boundaries
Sometimes, we take on too much or say yes when we want to say no. This can lead to feeling overwhelmed, resentful, and eventually burnout. In this state, even small things that don't usually trigger us can lead to huge emotional reactivity.
To prevent this kind of stress, learn how to set boundaries with others and with yourself. Have the courage to say "no" when you need to say "no" (see my blog on how to say no for a deep dive into this topic). Delegate tasks when possible. Ask for help when needed.
Setting yourself up so that you only take on your plate as much as you can handle (professionally, personally, socially, or physically) is a huge part of being less triggered and stressed by events happening around us.
4. Create a health-supportive system
Of course, it goes without saying that there are some other basic habits that help with maintaining a healthy physical and mental state:
A. Eat Well-Balanced Meals
Eating a balanced diet that provides you with enough nutrients and energy can help you cope with stress better and avoid stressful illnesses. If you're not sure what a balanced diet means, think whole, unprocessed foods, maximising as many different colours of food types as possible. Consult a nutritionist for more details on this.
B. Get Enough Sleep
It's different for each of us, but most studies suggest a minimum of 7 hours a night.
C. Exercise Regularly
Being physically active can help you reduce stress by releasing endorphins (the feel-good hormones) in your brain, improving your mood and self-esteem, enhancing your physical health and appearance, and providing you with a positive outlet for your emotions.
Find an activity that you like, maybe with a group if that helps keep up your motivation, and set goals and milestones that you then celebrate with healthy rewards.
D. Good Social Circle of Support
Having supportive people in your life who care about you and understand you is another healthy way to prevent stress before it happens. When you know you are grounded in a strong community, it can make some stressful situations feel less threatening. Some tips for building a good social circle of support include:
Reaching out to people who share your interests or values
Maintaining regular contact with your friends and family and making sure you keep a diverse mix of people who inspire you, have varied experiences from you, are willing to lend a helping hand when you need it, and see the greatness in you
Expressing gratitude and appreciation for their support
Being supportive of them in return (such as offering help or encouragement when they need it)
E. Know Your Purpose and Live By It
Knowing your purpose means having a clear sense of what matters to you and what gives meaning to your life. It can help you manage stress better by motivating you to:
Pursue your goals and passions
Inspiring you to overcome challenges and difficulties
Aligning your actions with your beliefs and values
Providing you with a sense of direction and fulfillment
Giving you the perspective to realize that whatever is stressing you isn't worth the attention you are giving it
This purpose doesn't need to be a "I want to change the world" kind of statement. Your purpose might be just making people around you smile. Or providing a safe home for your kids. Or just being able to learn about yourself.
Find that purpose, and you'll find that you become more resilient to ignoring distractions that don't align with it. Make time to fill your schedule with activities and people that nourish it, and cut out those who don't.
5. Work on Your Mindset
A. Let Go of Perfectionism (see my blog about perfectionism) to understand what a huge difference this can make in the ways we trigger ourselves.
B. Practice Assertiveness and Speak Kindly to Yourself
This includes listing out the qualities that make you unique, transforming the way you see them so that you really view them as superpowers, and then finding situations where you can use those superpowers to gain balance, groundedness, and perspective.
C. Focus on the Here and Now by Being Mindful
Part of the reason that triggers have such a strong impact on us is that they are able to grab the attention of our mind and completely focus it on one stressful aspect of a situation. However, mindfulness practices allow us to strengthen our ability to see when this awareness-hijack happens. Once you’re aware of it happening, you can bring the attention of your mind back to something more grounded and useful.
So by embedding a mindfulness practice, you are literally strengthening your mind so that it doesn't get triggered as easily. And when you do get triggered, mindfulness practice supports you in realizing you are triggered more quickly, allowing you to more quickly take back control.
During Stress (Intervention)
Sometimes, we can’t avoid or prevent stressful situations. They just happen unexpectedly or unavoidably. In these cases, we need strategies that can help us cope with in the moment stress. You Can Manage Your Stress when you:
1. Breathe Deeply
One of the simplest and easiest yet most effective ways to cope with stress while it happens is to breathe deeply from your diaphragm (the muscle below your lungs). Deep breathing (think longer, slower exhales in particular) calms your nervous system and lowers your heart rate and blood pressure. It also sends a signal to your brain that everything is "OK," which further calms your entire system down. Try box breathing: 4 counts inhale, 4 counts exhale, 4 counts inhale, 4 counts exhale while you imagine yourself moving up, across, down and across the sides of a box.
2. Use Positive Affirmations
Positive affirmations are statements that reinforce your confidence, ability, and worthiness. For example, if you’re feeling stressed about a presentation at work, you can say to yourself:
"I am prepared"
"I am capable"
"I am confident"
Positive affirmations can also help you challenge negative thoughts and vicious self-talk cycles in the moment when you are stressed, allowing you to keep your perspective and stay balanced within yourself and your abilities.
3. Shift Your Perspective
Often what stresses us in the moment is an inability to see things from a larger view. We feel trapped, helpless, and without the ability to change things.
Asking yourself these questions in the moment you are stressed can allow for a perspective shift that helps you return to a more grounded and balanced state:
A: How might the other person in this situation describe what's happening?
B: How will I likely view this situation in 5 minutes/days/weeks/months?
C: What would a best friend advise me to do in this situation?
D: If this situation was meant to teach me something important, what would that be?
E: What is still good in my life, even while this situation is happening?
4. Seek Social Support
Seek social support from people who care about you, such as friends, family members, or colleagues. Social support can help you:
Feel less alone
Get different perspectives
Receive advice
Vent your emotions
You don't need to hold everything you're dealing with all by yourself. Reach out in the moment you feel stressed and benefit from one of the most fundamental parts of being human: connection and belonging with others.
5. Practice Skills to Manage Difficult Conversations
The basis for how to prevent difficult conversations from escalating is to understand the ways in which we add fuel to the fire when communicating. Non-violent communication is one methodology for improving this and has a lot to do with owning your own experience and emotions, speaking from the "I" rather than "YOU" voice, and not using accusatory or blaming/assumptive language. This approach encourages active listening and empathetic understanding of the other person's perspective.
Non-violent communication is based on four key components:
Sharing concrete observations
Sharing your own feelings
Expressing your needs
Making clear requests
The goal is to find mutually beneficial solutions to problems and build positive relationships. You can use it in various settings, including personal relationships, work environments, and community situations. While non-violent communication requires practice and patience to master, it can be a powerful tool for improving communication and reducing conflict.
After Stress (Recovery)
After a stressful situation is over, we need strategies that can help us recover from stress and restore our balance. You Can Manage Your Stress when you:
1. Write It Down
Writing can help you process your emotions, gain new insights, and release tension. You can also write down what you learned from the situation and what you can do differently next time when such a trigger appears again.
2. Take a Break
Take a breather from your usual routine and do something that relaxes you or makes you happy. You could:
Explore a scenic trail in nature and breathe in the fresh air
Listen to your favorite music and sing along or dance to the rhythm
Watch a hilarious comedy and laugh out loud
Read an engaging book and immerse yourself in a different world
Play with your adorable pet and cuddle with them
Taking a break can help you give some time away from stress, allowing you to recharge your energy and then revisit the situation with a different view on it.
3. Create Something
Try creating something that expresses your feelings or interests. You could try:
Drawing, painting, or sculpting something that represents your emotions
Keeping a bullet journal, a diary, or a gratitude log to let your inner experience flow out onto the page
Cooking new recipes, experimenting with favorite dishes, or indulging in some artistic baking to spark your creative juices
Learning to dance salsa, tango, hip hop, or ballet to release any physical and emotional stress you are holding
Creating something can help you process your stress, express your feelings, boost your self-esteem, and stimulate your brain.
4. Learn About Yourself
Like I said earlier, stress isn’t always bad; it can also be an opportunity to learn about yourself and what's important to you. Ask yourself these questions:
What triggered my stress?
How did I react to my stress?
What did I learn from my stress?
What can I do differently next time?
Final Thoughts
Stress management is not about eliminating stress from our lives but about finding healthy ways to deal with it. While you may not be able to control stressful situations from happening, you can control your response to them. By understanding how stress affects you and learning how to react, cope with, and bounce back from it, you can live better, feel better, do better, and get more out of your life.
Ultimately, stress is a natural part of being human, but that doesn't mean that it has to take you down each time it hits you… You Can Manage Your Stress.
Now, all you need to do is build in a routine of healthy habits to support you in doing so.
References:
Syracuse University School of Education - Self-Care https://soe.syr.edu/departments/academic/counseling-human-services/modules/self-care/
Baylor University - Stress Symptom Checklist
https://www.baylor.edu/content/services/document.php/183434.pdf
Stanford Medicine - Study Explains How Stress Can Boost Immune System
Sleep Foundation - How Much Sleep Do We Really Need? https://www.sleepfoundation.org/how-sleep-works/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need
Model Thinkers - Nonviolent Communication https://modelthinkers.com/mental-model/nonviolent-communication
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